remember when you banged on his door at 2 a.m. in the morning? i was not there. he did not answer. what i remember most from this event is wishing you would come for me just because and not because you thought i had disobeyed you. you never bang on my door.
i wanted you to be my best friend. i have denied others access to that spot because i was saving it for you. i did not want to deny you the chance to be my best friend or feel that i had betrayed you. instead it seems i was denied. you gave my spot away, if ever there was such a spot for me. you did it over and over again. you gave them love, hope, security, time, attention, affection…you gave them a piece of you. by five i knew you had it but just not for me.
it is nearly impossible to share in your joy when my happiness my joy has been compromised by you. i wanted you to be my best friend. i wanted a bond with you that surpasses flesh and blood. i denied others that title because i was saving it for you.